The weather changes.  People change.  Even Facebook changes (pretty often, actually, much to the complaint of many of my friends).

We change the laundry.  We change the TV channel.  We change our hair cut, color, and style.

Those things on the first list are things we have no control over (like, I seriously doubt that we’ll ever get a “Dislike” button, no matter how many groups are devoted to “petitioning” for one; my reasoning for this must be saved for a future blog…maybe).  But the second list?  Yeah, I definitely have a say in when laundry gets done, what shows we watch, and what color my hair is, and I’d bet that you do too (well, at least some of the time ).  There are many changes which you control.

Control is something I ponder pretty frequently because I really, really like to possess it…when it’s convenient (haha!).  Such a desire for control can cause me some serious stress, most of which is totally unnecessary–and I am absolutely, totally sure that you never, ever do that to yourself.  Right?

But just in case there are a few of you out there like me, I’ll continue.  Of course there are TONS of things we can’t control–the length of the drive-thru line, others’ behavior, your genetics, and many, many more–and they drive us crazy!!!!  But, see, here’s the secret to help all you control freaks out there (and over here):  there is ALWAYS something about it we can change…

Our attitudes!  You’ve seen, just as I have, the effects of a particularly good or bad attitude on the whole atmosphere of a room, a meeting, a home.  What if that attitude were yours?  I confess that much of the time, my attitude’s been pretty lousy lately.  I’m committing, right here on the World Wide Web to all you friends, neighbors, and total strangers that I will change it.  I don’t promise to be perfect, but I promise to do better.  (See this blog for a discussion on that.)  Because…

We can change our clothing.  We can change diapers.  We can change our attitudes.  And doing so, we can change the world.

Last week, we ventured out to a fabulous local park. This park has so many amazing activities–swings, slides, an AstroTurf hill to climb & slide down, moving balance beams, a spider web, a water pump, and a butterfly garden.

 As we were leaving the park, though, our six-year-old discovered a butterfly on a plant. The butterfly’s wings were wet from the recent rains, and our son could hold it as it crawled and creeped from hand to arm to hand. He did not want to leave this beautiful creature that had trusted him enough to hold it.

We talked of what would happen if we took it home. Would it be safe in the car? Probably not. Do we have the right kinds of plants for it to drink? No. He continued to long for the connection he felt, yet he urged the butterfly from his grasp onto a bunch of fuchsia flowers. I felt relieved that he did what was best for the butterfly even though leaving it was difficult for him. I began to walk toward our car with a weight off my shoulders.

Then he called me back. Oh, no. Maybe he had reconsidered. I braced myself for a further plea to take it home, when, as I approached, he said delightfully, “Look, Mom, it’s drinking!” He was an enchanted witness to the beautiful butterfly sipping nectar from the soft deep cove within the flower. His letting go of the butterfly allowed the creature to live and be what it needed to be.

I am grateful for the wisdom of my six-year-old and for the lessons we have learned from a butterfly.

I have been remiss! After all, the name of this blog is “Marta’s Melodies,” and I haven’t even mentioned a song in over a month! So your challenge this time is to guess the title, artist, and album of the song I referenced in this blog title. (No Googling!! Play fair! ) The first person to comment and get all three things right wins…something amazing! (No, seriously! The prizes are on order, and will be seen by us MPowers that Be in a few weeks, after which you’ll get to see them and I will coordinate with the winner to send one to him or her.)

But as you probably guessed, I didn’t just pick a random song to have you guess on. I’ve been thinking about letting go.

Over the past few months, a lot of things have been happening that I can’t control no matter how hard I try, such as sickness (everything from vertigo to vomiting–bleh!), events involving other people in my life, and (of course!) the ever-present waiting game for medical school. Now, if you know me personally, you know I really, really like for things to turn out beautifully the first time, on time, exactly how I envisioned them. (I didn’t say this happens very often, only that I like it when it does.).
I’m learning something, though: that I don’t get to pick when I get sick, or what choices other people make, or which school(s) will accept me or when. And you know something? That kinda stinks!

But I’m learning to accept it. It isn’t easy, and it certainly isn’t happening overnight, but I’m getting there. I am letting go of that mindset that says I have to fix everything for everybody, because I don’t. So I’ll “let it go, let it roll right off [my] shoulder, ['cause] don’t you know, the hardest part is over…”

Yeah. The hardest part is over…because the hardest part was taking that (incredibly empowering) first step to say I don’t have to be in control to be happy.

So, yesterday I didn’t write my blog like I usually do on Wednesday. It wasn’t that I didn’t try. In fact I had been trying for two days to think of something worth writing in a blog, but the words simply didn’t come.

I couldn’t think of anything inspiring to share with you or words that would give you solace in a challenging time. The reason for this is that over the last week or so my life has been taking unexpected, devastating falls bringing me deeper and deeper into the pit of despair that has temporarily become my life. Not fun. Some difficult news came last Tuesday that made my complicated and stressful life more complicated and stressful. As hard to swallow as that news was, I made an effort to keep things level headed without any kind of significant break down over the holidays, and basically succeeded. I did my best to not let it take over, even though it was resting heavily on my mind. That was a good thing. The holidays were wonderful and I was thankfully able to enjoy them despite the struggles.

Last Saturday meant a dive back into reality for me as I started to gather more details that needed to go into the mix for my difficult decisions ahead. As I was coping with that, some even more-totally unrelated-news came on Monday that made matters worse bringing me into some of the most difficult of times I’ve faced. All I could seem to think about was the horrible situation that I had been placed in almost completely out of my control. That was why I didn’t have anything to say. My world was colored by tragedy and dismay to the point that everything seemed totally awful. Even the good things in life seemed insignificant in comparison to the devastation.

I hate being in that place where everything seems bad and rotten. So this morning I woke up and decided to bring the levels of negativity down. I had to choose not to let this devastation take over every waking minute of my life anymore. Yes, my challenges are still totally present in my life. However, there is a time and a place for them which doesn’t need to be dominating my life for more than a couple of days.

So for you and for me there is only so much time we can spend in agony before we pick ourselves up again. We cannot spend every day complaining over the misfortunes of our lives for they will be easily found as long as we live. Some things are harder to deal with than others and for those things we must allow ourselves time to heal. Something I am working hard to learn how to do is let things be what they are, especially the things that are out of my control.