Are You Down?
Sometimes, life is just not fun. Sorry if that's a news flash, but it is true. At times, because of our choices, the choices of others, or simply because of the nature of life, we can feel down, depressed, miserable, and just overall yucky. I've been in a state of transition lately (well, pretty much always in my life--so change is not new), yet this transitional phase has thrown me for a proverbial loop--or maybe the more correct term would be a proverbial swing, as I have felt as if I were riding a pendulum on a clock...or one of those ...
For My Daughters
As I wrote a letter to my mother for yesterday's post, I thought I would follow-up today with a post to my daughters, the mothers of a new generation. Dearest Daughters, You are amazing! I know that your are constantly bombarded with messages that you are not good enough, smart enough, thin enough, beautiful enough, strong enough, or cool enough. You SO are!!!!!!!!! If I could let your mirror open to show what you are, you would see the fabulous, capable, independent, strong, amazing women that you are! When you were each born, I relished in the joy of having more girls ...
For My Mother…
Upon lamenting my own inadequacies as a mother to a dear friend, she calmly shared this bit of wisdom: "My mom remembers all that kind of stuff, too--but I don't. I think my childhood was amazing!" I have reflected several times on her statement, and in that tone, I'd like to send a message to my mother (and all mothers) in a spirit of love and acceptance. Dear Mom, I think you probably have moments of reflection and waves of sadness for all the things you didn't do for me and your other children, but I want you to know that it's okay. ...
All You Need Is Love?
So, I think the Beatles were right when they sang, "All you need is love, love, love is all you need." As catchy and simple (& even a little bit silly) as that song sounds, the more I've thought about "The Power of Love," the deeper that power has been sinking into all parts of my being. I. I took a trip recently. While I was away, I missed my kiddos terribly (even though I was super-comforted that they were in good hands). When I returned to their hugs, cuddles, kisses, issues, questions, concerns, laughter, climbing, and sleepless nights, I felt awakened ...
How Do You Cope?
We all do it sometime or another. We have a crisis, a life change, a diagnosis...and we go into coping mode. So, how do you cope? I posted that question on Facebook, and some of the answers were to run, pray, chat with good friends & sisters, take some time for retail therapy, work out, garden, feel sunshine, and do something nice for someone else. Last night, I made some cookies. I didn't even necessarily want to eat them, but I found comfort in combining softened butter, brown & white sugars, vanilla, eggs, flour, salt, baking soda, & chocolate chips to create ...
Yay for domesticity!!
I love baking. I love everything about baking. (Well, except cleaning up. But give me enough ridiculous pop music to dance to, and even that's fun). Cupcakes are by far my favorite thing to make, and I recently put together a new one. I also love pretty much everything about this cupcake--seriously, there is chocolate, strawberries, cream cheese frosting, and CAKE. And it's pretty easy to make. There is no downside...except for the fact that there are so many awesome things about this cupcake, that I don't know what to call it. The underlying idea was that of strawberry shortcake, ...
Getting by with a little help from my friends
So, I finished my quilt before Christmas. It was kinda a gift to myself. And guess what I did with it? I folded it, stuck it in a corner, and forgot about it. Go figure. Then, I ran into one of the women with whom I quilt. She asked if I had finished it & if it was on my bed. I told her I actually didn't know where it was. :( I came home & looked for it. Eventually, I made it to the corner of the room where I had stashed it. And I pulled it into my arms. ...
What, Me? Vulnerable?
So, last week turned out to be kinda rough for me...nothing I could exactly put my finger on...but it was definitely a tough end after several (like over a week) of very good days. Guess the pendulum just decided to swing the other way.... Anyway, as I was trying to figure out what was wrong with me (do you do that?) or at least how to get back on a happier track, I saw that a dear friend (thanks, Cobi) posted a TED talk on her FB wall by Brene Brown. So, I watched it. And, guess what? I felt the ...
Standing a Little Taller
One of my sons walked in the kitchen this morning, pulled his (typically slumping) shoulders back, and asked, "Is this how I'm supposed to stand?" I proceeded to tell him to lift his arms above his head like I used to do to get correct posture in my voice classes ("ballet arms" is what I commonly call them)--to which he, of course, scowled, but dutifully went along--and then let his arms fall with uplifted shoulders. As he did so, I remembered that I had been considering this very topic over the weekend about which to blog! :) So, how do you ...
Invisible
I've spent most of my life feeling invisible, or at least transparent (which you might find an amazing feat, seeing that I'm actually as tall or taller than many men I know...especially in my awesome platform wedges). I'm not sure how this feeling began, but I remember going about life trying to absorb every detail around me without ever being noticed. I would note people's faces, reputations, birthdays, best friends, etc. all through my years in school...but would never think of saying "hello" if I saw them in a store or some place other than school because I was sure ...
Last time, I talked about how I spend time with certain people (*cough cough* men *cough cough*) because they make me feel special, and how I want to make myself feel special and not need anybody else to validate me that way. I’m figuring out how to do that. Here’s the second installment on my journey toward self-actualization 
Once upon a time, I was taking a special course/retreat with only five other classmates. We spent five glorious days at a monastery, discussing issues of faith, personal growth, death, and life. Over the course of the week, I gained new perspective from, and great respect for, the students taking the course with me. One of our activities towards the end of the course was a storytelling exercise, in which each of us (two facilitators, my five classmates, and I) would share our life stories with the group, in whatever level of detail we were comfortable. This terrified me, especially as I heard the others share deeply personal, private stories. I felt pressure to follow suit, but hesitated to trust my classmates to the same degree they had trusted me. What if they violated the “circle” and shared the information with others? What if they judged me?
I stalled. I let others go ahead of me. We ran out of our allotted time, and so decided to carry over the rest of the exercise to the next morning. I knew I’d have to participate and, although I was frightened–even though I didn’t have anything to hide, per se, I do have some very personal experiences that I don’t share with many people–I longed to be able to be open with my peers. I thought that night about what I would say, and prayed I’d be able to say it.
The next morning came. We sat in our circle as we had many times before, and I awaited my turn to speak. When it came, I began with stories of my childhood. I shared my desire to become a physician, and what led me to choose that path. I spoke of my family. And I told of one of the most difficult and frightening experiences of my life: being mentally abused and stalked by a man I thought was my friend. (Somehow, I did all of this without crying.) And when I was through, I said some of the most powerful words I believe I’ve ever spoken. They went something like this:
You know, as difficult as these experiences have been, I wouldn’t trade them for anything, because they’ve made me who I am. And I like who I am.
And you know something? I meant that, down to the very core of my soul. Those words resonated within me like few others ever have. I’ve been pondering what exactly about that experience made it so I felt that way. I think part of it is that a) I chose to trust my peers at that time, b) I was validated by those peers for the feelings that I had, and c) I realized, in verbalizing my story, that I really have come far from where I once was, and that I’m in a great place in my life right now. I’m happy. I’m blessed.
So maybe, now that I’ve verbalized that, it’ll stick.
When have you felt the most at peace with yourself; when have you been happiest with who you are? Please share!!
Posted in Marta's Melodies by .
Hello there. It’s me again. I know you all thought I dropped off the face of the earth. Well, I hate to disappoint, but…I didn’t. Here I am!
Anyway, I’ve been pondering relationships lately. And recently, as I was standing in my shower reflecting on the mysteries of life and love and the universe, I thought about the guys I’ve dated. I thought about the guy I started dating most recently. Upon thinking about why I date(d) said individual(s), the thought came,
“He makes me feel special.”
I froze, temporarily immobilized by the truth–and the frightfulness–of those words. I immediately thought to myself, “But my specialness needs to come from inside me!”
I feel very strongly that both parties in a relationship should be encouraging and uplifting to one another; however, I think a relationship is healthiest when neither party is dependent upon the other for constant validation in order to consistently feel worthy of love. And, judging by my earlier internal monologue, I have a little work to do to get to that level of self-assurance, self-reliance, self-esteem, and–dare I say it?–self-actualization.
I’ve experienced that state of being before–one in which I’m completely accepting of myself as I am, in which I’m comfortable in my own skin, in which I don’t need anybody else to tell me I’m pretty or smart or talented or destined for great things because I know all of that myself, truly madly deeply down inside the very core of my soul. I would love to figure out what I was doing during those periods of my life so that I could do it ALL THE TIME and, therefore, feel that awesome all the time. I’m working on that. I think I’ve got a little bit figured out. But you’ll have to read my next blog to find out what it is
PS, readers, I’ve missed you. And for those of you who are new, Hi!
Posted in Marta's Melodies by .
Feb 12
7
I Have All That I Need
Lately, I have pushed abundance aside…much to my dismay…and an astute onlooker to my life said to me, “You have all that you need.”
My first thought was, “No, I don’t. I don’t have __________, or _______, or __________, or _______.” (I stopped writing gratitude in my journal in January, so when I do write, it’s been more to vent or “process.”) Then I sat for a minute. My dear astute onlooker continued to share with me that, even though I want to “process” each experience where I feel so lacking, that if I could just let go and move forward today, knowing that I do indeed have all that I need, I might feel lighter.
I wanted to weep. The moment was transformative. I did feel lighter. And I am moving on to let go of past grievances, issues, and moments of dismay to fill my heart and mind with love.
I looked in the mirror later that morning, and I was amazed at the woman I saw–a woman of beauty and wisdom. I’m not sure I’ve seen her before, but I am so excited to get to know her.
Posted in Karin's Kaleidoscope by .
Feb 12
2
Together We Stand…
I think often of the great things we accomplish when we work together. Recently, I had to write a myth in one of my classes. I struggled and labored with it until I called my family for help. I spoke with several members, each one adding insights through brainstorming with me. Some gave suggestions. Others gave me questions to answer to solidify the story and the characters. So, instead of being stuck, I was empowered to write a story, a myth. My professor liked it.
After talking with my family, the story flowed. In fact, it was too long, so I had to edit it. The shorter version follows:
Maeja, the Medicine Woman, came from a long line of healers. Her mother, her sisters, her daughters all had healing powers within them. Maeja travelled from village to village, now that her children were grown and helped the mothers prepare for the birth of her babies. All around the villages, people sent word to make sure that Maeja would be able to help them prepare a ward, inviting place for their babies as they entered the world.
Those who visited in Maeja’s home always felt loved and invited. She brought with her a spirit of acceptance and peace. Maeja loved the idea of new life. She surrounded her home with the most beautiful flowers, orchids, calla lilies, iris, roses, sunflowers, carnations and daisies. She loved the color and feel of the earth and showed this is the furnishings in her home. She felt that the most important gift to give is oneself.
For years and years, Maeja travelled to help the new mothers with their babies. She brought cool water for them to sip as they labored to bring a new life into the world. She always brought a homemade blanket for the new one. She would choose red and oranges, vibrant and bright to celebrate the birth. As the baby was born, Maeja lovingly wrapped the baby in a warm blanket.
Maeja knew that the gods watched over her. They helped her as she helped the mothers bring their babies into the world. They saw the loving care she brought. They also saw the conviction within her to make sure that the world welcomed the new child. As Maeja breathed her last breath, the gods made her the fire goddess so that she could bring warmth into the world.
Now, Maeja travels the world over. She sends hot lava like fireworks spewing in colors of red and orange to celebrate new life. This is why a volcano erupts.
It was so fun to work together! It was interesting to hear each person’s contribution. In the end, it was my story inspired by my family.
What a blessing to have families. Perhaps, you can write a short story or poem, or song or paint a picture or another creative project with your family this week.
The power of story is strong. The power of family is strong. The power of unity and support are strong. Empower yourself by empowering your family members.
Posted in Uncategorized by .
Feb 12
1
Connections
Happy February! Traditionally seen as a month of hearts, love, pinks, reds, whites, etc…I needed a new month today. January was a tiny bit stressful for me!
I’ve been pondering my innate need for connection lately. I have priorities to connect with my husband, our children, my friends, God, other family members, and even myself each day. I sit around sometimes on more restful days and wait for a notification on Facebook, an email, a phone call, visit or text to let me know that someone out there in this world wants to be connected to me, too–that connection is important to them. On days I’m feeling more proactive, I am out making comments, writing on walls, blogging, texting or calling those who are on my mind. Today is a more proactive day.
Last week, though, I had been having a string of several, shall we call it, “less-than-proactive” days…in fact, for most of January, I’ve been in a bit of a funk. I’d blame the weather, but it really has been pleasant for the most part. (I, on the other hand, have been less than pleasant….) 
Still, while surfing my news feed on Facebook last Friday, I found a dear friend had posted this link from Sarah Kay. She is a poet, among other things, who shares two poems in this segment through the medium of Spoken Word Poetry. And I LOVE it.
I watched that video and wept through it. Her work moved me. And I felt connected to something larger than my tiny little microscopic hole I was digging myself into for the past several days. And I shared her voice with one of my children who is seeking a voice right now but doesn’t quite know how to get there.
Since that moment of connection, I have been reminded of other moments lately, and have had more moments since, because I took a moment to open my mind and allow myself to feel. The quotation on our Facebook page today says something like (and I won’t botch it for sharing it incorrectly, because the author is unknown anyway), “Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we’re here we should dance.” Well, I haven’t been dancing. Or singing. Or writing. Or blogging. Or creating. But I am recommitting myself to be that girl again.
And I’m feeling happier and more connected with the world already!
And just for fun, a little singing, too, from one of my favorite movies of all time! Enjoy!
Jan 12
12
Cleaning Up Loose Ends
As I typed the title, I remembered past years of misspelling “lose” with “oo” like “loose”…something about that “oo” in my brain shouldn’t have been able to alter the end sound of the word…but I’m off topic already.
Anyway, just wondering if you, like I, have loose ends loitering about your life like aimless youth in a grocery store parking lot. Well, do you? You know what I’m talking about–mending that tear in your fav shirt, letters you haven’t finished, dishes, left-over projects, not to mention bills to be paid, appointments to be scheduled, and of course that shelf that has needed to be dusted since 1985. Maybe some of you weren’t even born in 1985?
Well–what do you do with those never-ending lists of loose-end tasks? Books you want to read, places you’d like to visit, experiences you’d like to record for posterity…I hope some of them made it on your 2012 goal list. I know some of mine did.
I really would like some input on how you tackle these items. I’ve been feeling just a bit overwhelmed with the constantly growing list of loose ends and could use some feedback–before I unravel into a loose end myself! And, now, to attack that shelf I’ve been meaning to dust….
Posted in Karin's Kaleidoscope by .
Jan 12
3
Oh, the Places You’ll Go!
Several days ago, we gathered our family together for an evening (which we strive to do each Monday night). Together we read Oh, the Places You’ll Go! by Dr. Seuss as we talked about our opportunities for 2012. Then we each took a few minutes to set our personal goals for the new year.
We spoke about how some people get stuck in their ways or in a certain “place” or in “the waiting place” as Dr. Seuss calls it…waiting for something or someone to happen to them–& how we can choose to be proactive during the passage of time. We talked about how sometimes we will fly high & sometimes others will pass us by–but we ultimately have our own mountains to move!
If you haven’t read this book recently, I would encourage you to pick it up at the library, your local bookstore, or where ever you get books. It is awesome! And, while you’re at it…decide which mountains you’re going to move this year.
Of course I have a question for you to consider: what places will you go in 2012? (Your mountain is waiting!!!!!)
Posted in Karin's Kaleidoscope by .
Dec 11
28
Make Some Waves
I intended ob not blogging till next year, but I had an experience this morning with my daughter that I had to share–especially as we sit on the cusp of this new year. She and I woke up early (while most of the world–& definitely most of our household–was still slumbering) and went for a swim. We shared a lane at the pool and enjoyed kicking, swimming, paddling, & laughing together.
At one point, we sat at the far end wall to catch our breath. We leaned on the wall and kicked our feet so as to continue movement and exercise with a little rest. As we leaned there kicking, I noticed something quite interesting. The waves we were making together in the relatively calm water reached past half of the competition lane. In fact, probably three-quarters of the way down our lane was moving & shaking. Why? Because we were moving it! I looked at her, showed her how far our reach went, and said, “Look at that power our influence has!”
As the New Year of 2012 is right around the corner, I thought about how–even though I think my influence is small–I do have power to move things…to change…to support…to love…to learn…& to make some waves! Are you with me? Will you kick up your feet and make a difference this year? What will you do to make some waves in 2012? I can’t wait to hear your stories!!!!
Posted in Karin's Kaleidoscope by .
Dec 11
20
Gifts
This year has been a year of quite a few one-word-title-posts for me…and I thought we might end the year with another one. As we at MPowerGenerations desire to help you give yourself the gift of empowerment all year long, I find myself at a loss this time of year when so many around us are offering and receiving gifts…but, alas! I have a gift yet to give you this year. This is a gift I give myself regularly. It may seem to come in a strange form, but this gift gives me time, the ability to not worry, wonderful smells and flavors permeating my home, and brings me an overall sense of peace. ”How might I give you such a gift?” you may ask…
Well, it is coming in the form of a recipe. This recipe is one of my favorites…and it is one of the easiest things to cook on days with busy afternoons or evenings or when I have last minute cleaning to do for dinner guests. I made this meal last night, and, in addition to being delicious, it made my day peaceful. I felt prepared all day. I had time to spend helping with various afternoon details and assignments (instead of feeling frazzled and wondering what in the world we would have for dinner…cereal, again?). At that moment, I decided that I wanted to give that gift to all our wonderful readers! :) Here you go!
Cafe Rio Pork Barbacoa Salad
Pork Tenderloin (I buy the large ones and then cut to specified sizes and marinate in Ziploc freezer bags and pop in the freezer till I need them…that way, it cuts down on time and money…) 5-6 lbs.
Marinate in bag with: 1 can of caffeine-free Coke or Dr. Pepper (do NOT use diet…it doesn’t work), 1 cup brown sugar, 3/4 cup white sugar, 1 clove garlic (or more), 3 tsp. chipotle Tabasco sauce (+/-), 6 oz. red taco sauce (I use medium, but whatever you like), 1 tsp. dry mustard, 1 tsp. cumin, 1/4 tsp. cayenne pepper. Good job! (See now why I do several at once? Quite a few ingredients…but oh, so worth it!!!!)
On the day of cooking, place in crock pot early (I start mine when I wake up–or at least by 7 a.m. for a 5:30 p.m. dinner)–at least 6-8 hours. I also add one more can of soda in the morning to let it cook in (actually, I usually rinse all the yummy marinade goodness from the bag by pouring in fresh soda and then pouring over pork). Shred about 2 hours before you want to eat, and continue cooking. Your house will smell so yummy from about 10 a.m. on…!
The pork is served with the following layers–in this order–with more recipes to follow: tortilla, cheese, beans (black or pinto), rice (I just toss Jasmine or Calrose rice in my rice cooker about 30 minutes before dinner time…my kiddos like it better plain…or you can use a cilantro or lime rice recipe), pork, shredded Romaine lettuce, pico de gallo (see recipe), tortilla strips (or crumbled chips work just as well), tomatillo ranch dressing (see recipe), and guacamole if you like it.
Tomatillo Ranch Dressing
Toss the following ingredients in a blender until blended: 1 pkg. dry Ranch dressing mix, 3 tomatillos–rough chop (be sure to peel off the papery skin first & throw it away or compost), 1/4 cup mayo (I just toss in one large spoonful because I don’t like measuring sticky, gooey stuff I have to scrape from a measuring cup), 1/3 cup sour cream (again, same as mayo, just more), 1 cup (small carton) buttermilk, 1 cup cilantro–rough chop (add to preference), 3 cloves garlic, 1/8 tsp. cayenne pepper, 2 tsp. green Tabasco sauce, juice from one lime. (I’m so ready for my leftovers for lunch!!!)
Pico de Gallo (compliments of Emeril)
3-6 Roma tomatoes, seeded and chopped. Add cilantro, about 1/2 an onion, jalapeno (seeded–the seeds have the worst kick), 3-4 cloves garlic, juice from one lime, and salt & pepper to taste. You can chop it all or food process it…whatever works. I do both–depending on my mood & time.
The dressing and pico can be done early (or right before, while the rice is cooking and the beans are heating)…& I love the FREEDOM to enjoy my afternoon, smell yummy dinner cooking, and just be able to feel the peace that everything is okay.
So, there is my gift to you this holiday! Hope you all have an empowered December and are excited for the many opportunities and blessings coming your way during the growth of 2012!!!
Posted in Karin's Kaleidoscope by .
Dec 11
6
I Have Confidence!
The last few months have been transformative for me. No, I didn’t say Transformers.
(Actually, while I’m confessing about not seeing movies on the blog lately, maybe I should tell you I haven’t seen any of the Transformers movies…& the only reason I think I might ever see them is Josh Duhamel. But, I digress….) Back to your regularly (or not so regularly, lately) scheduled blog post:
The last few months have been transformative for me. Don’t ask me why…I really don’t know. In fact, I’ve been thinking of blogging about this transformation for awhile, but I just can’t put my finger on a magic moment when something happened to change me. It’s kinda been a process. And, deep down, I think it’s been a really lllooonnnggg process. Still, I would like to share with you what I do know about what has happened lately.
I am a significantly happier person. And more positive. And more grateful. And more confident (thus, the title). Those qualities have been the end product.
Here is what I do know…several months ago, I was experiencing quite a bit of stress. (Who, me?Mom of a house full of little ones…nahhhh!) And, I wasn’t just experiencing it; I was internalizing it. Then, my body started to react to said stress by doing all sorts of crazy things. Now, mind you, I think I am a fairly healthy kinda gal–I eat pretty well (with the occasional–well, maybe regular–sugar indulgence) and exercise (I just ran a half-marathon last summer)…but I was having basic heart attack symptoms–racing, pain in my arm, circulatory issues. Yuck.
Well, I got back on board with making exercise a priority and started to watch my thoughts. At the end of September, I heard this talk (life changing) at a meeting I attended. The first point made me weep. I thought about how hard I am on myself all the time. I thought about how I beat myself up daily, if not hourly or moment by moment, about what I could and should be doing better in my life. Mind you, this self-abuse was not to the point of changing anything; it just made me feel crummy. So, I decided to do something different.
Also, sometime between then and now, I went out with a dear friend of mine. Over smoothies and carrot cake, I figured out something that I had never realized before…I was not friends with myself. It’s easy to point out flaws regarding something or someone you don’t really even like, right? Well, that’s what I was doing. And, that night, I decided to do something different.
Then, last month, I attended a workshop on gratitude. We even made little covers for notebooks that were supposed to be gratitude journals. I know that gratitude is helpful, but I wasn’t committed to adding one more thing to my daily routine. (And, I wasn’t gonna deal with the guilt I would put myself through if I didn’t write every. single. day.) Then, about mid-way through the month, I decided to pick it up and write a bit. I also decided that I would do the best that I could and not beat myself up if I didn’t write every day. And, I have definitely been a better person for it (and I’m learning how to manage the guilt in a healthy way by letting go or doing better instead of letting it bring down my energy and self esteem). Huzzah!!!!
So, between the gratitude journal, positive thinking, exercise, and letting go of guilt, I am a new person…and I feel happier and more confident.
Speaking of confidence, I have always loved “The Sound of Music.” And, it just happens to have a great song about confidence. Just in case you don’t know what is going on here, Maria is leaving the Abbey to go help take care of the Captain and his seven children–a little nervous, maybe even scared of what’s unknown and what’s to come–but she sings this:
watch?v=VOhkb476PJk&feature=related
Posted in Karin's Kaleidoscope by .
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